So I started a Christian Cafe trial. I made this list a few weeks ago, steps toward getting married, ordered from 0 to 10. Very linear thing for a journey that tends not to be. Very linear for an INFP. I was stuck at step 0. Steps 1 and 2 involved meeting someone and convincing him that I was awesome. But I never meet people. So to the interwebs...

I've been avoiding this route. Past attempts at online dating have been disappointing. Getting matched with dudes I already knew (an elephant never discussed, annoying). Getting hit on by creepy dudes. Creepy.

So far, this has been better. 2 days in, I've gone from 0 to 2. 3? We'll see...

:)

if you haven't checked out accidentalcreative.com, you're missing out. lots of great thoughts for creative types...

i'm going through a podcast series called "the basics", which sort of outlines what the folks at AC feel leads to prolific, healthy expressions of creativity... things like rhythm (finding out what sort of disciplines and routines are needed in order for "accidental" creating to happen), becoming unbound (being aware of lies that keep you from being fully engaged in what you were meant to do), curiosity (asking questions, being a bit of an explorer), and other habits and traits. in the episode on "curiosity", AC founder todd henry (a cincinnati guy who happens to be one of the creative programming folks at crossroads) provides an exercise. basically you write out 50 questions off the top of your head. then see if there are any patterns that emerge... i thought, just for fun, i'd post my 50. veiling some, lest it be too TMI. but here is the list... :) (i'll point out that i sometimes combined multiple questions into one. i'm complex. :)

1. why am i still single? how will i meet my husband? where is he? what is he like?
2. why haven't i dated? why don't good guys ask me out?
3. why aren't people coming to see me play (at least, in the numbers i'd like)?
4. what's the best way to transition to full-time music? is that a reasonable goal?
5. why does my throat feel funny today? (some of these questions are random. :)
6. is all the coffee i've been drinking affecting my teeth? does the whitening toothpaste help?
7. what's wrong with the air conditioning in my car? will i have to get another car?
8. what's up with the songwriter's block?
9. why are there (completely gross and icky) bugs in my apartment (not an infestation, that i know of, but there have been multiple sightings)? how can i get rid of them?
10. why so many faxes and phone calls at work when i just want quiet?
11. why am i still in cincinnati (not as in, "i want to leave, why am i stuck" but as in "what's my purpose in being here")?
12. is that guy straight? does he notice me? ;)
13. will that other guy like me?
14. when will i get my hair done?
15. what's the next thing to do today?
16. how can i get my apartment decluttered? is it possible to keep it that way?
17. should i buy an fm transmitter for my ipod? an iphone? a gps dealie?
18. why does my pinky toe hurt in these shoes? (they used to fit.)
19. how come he never asked me out?
20. is the cd project i'm considering a good idea? how should i go about it?
21. what will it take to feel like i've achieved something? will i get there?
22. what's the next season of my life to be? when does it start? :)
23. what's next for my church? where do i fit in that?
24. how do i get it all done?
25. why can't i keep a pair of sunglasses these days?
26. should i be concerned about the crack in my windshield?
27. why am i nervous around certain types of people?
28. why am i so tired today? why was i so tired yesterday?
29. what do i do to keep my brain alert when i'm doing something that's not mentally stimulating?
30. why can't i just take a nap? why has insomnia re-emerged?
31. how can i get caught up in life?
32. what it would it take for me to feel like i can go full-time with music? like i can lead worship full-time?
33. is it possible to lead worship and pursue music outside the church at the same time? how does one go about that in a healthy way?
34. what does "unnecessary creating" (creating outside the context of things you have to do for employment, etc.) look like in this season?
35. why does the traffic on i-75 always suck?
36. what does this task have to do with creativity? what will i learn? why was this difficult?
37. why is there so much violence in my city? so much racism?
38. am i serving where i should be? how i should be?
39. why is it so much weirder to hear inappropriate conversations here than in another context where the convos were more frequent and more extremely inappropriate?
40. will it hurt? will it be awesome? what's it like, really?
41. has he waited? is he more experienced (i wrote down "or less", but seriously, he can't be less experienced than i) when it comes to dating? does it matter?
42. why so much curiosity about the "relationship" thing right now? is that okay? is something out of balance? does something need to change?
43. is it okay that i feel so inexperienced at my age? is it deceptive that i look so young? (are people more impressed - if they're impressed - with the skills i have than they should be because they think i'm twelve? :)
44. is there purpose in this job beyond getting the bills paid?
45. am i going to get some terrible illness someday?
46. should i go on a missions trip? where? what kind of trip?
47. am i healed enough from past hurts? do i need to do more "growth and healing" or "recovery" work?
48. have i totally forgiven those who have hurt me?
49. why do i struggle so much with regular, consistent, deep community? why do i struggle with forming deep friendships?
50. does proximity matter, in terms of building community? why hasn't that "worked" for me so far?

so those are my 50 questions... what would yours be? (not that terribly many people even read this anymore. which is exactly why i'm posting it here and not as a FB note. :)